Birds

I'm obsessed with birds. Maybe I'm jealous that they can fly and I can only do it in my head. Plane rides don't count. Dreams are the best. Some feel so real so true... my Peter Pan syndrome. I feel I've been saying goodbye to Jasmyn for a long time now...even before we had to part. Our relationship was such an obvious landmark in my life/art. It's very hard for me not to think of my art as a manifestation of my innermost personal struggles. I read somewhere that the ironic thing is that the most personal art turns out to be the most universal. Her and shrooms go hand in hand...my eyes were opened to a world of extreme complexity and diversity...where nothing is stable or easily understood. If I can't get that across with my work then it's all hopeless. I hope some day to achieve a serene simplicity in my work (maybe along the lines of Turner?) but like Saul Williams says.. "Out of Chaos comes order". I already figured that the only way to reach that simplicity ( and when I do reach it ...it should be foreign yet slightly familiar to the onlooker) is to extend my thoughts beyond my present state of comfort. Ask more questions, draw more lines. The day this happens will be like John Muir finding calypso borealis in a swamp... a sign of hope,beauty in the dark, in the worst of places. But I have to get lost in the swamp first. This is the last drawing I did dealing with our relationship. She's holding her index fingers as the last moment before separation. Arrows flying towards her. Outlines of rooftops inside of her...the home she left and looks for, forever wonderwander.The bird near her hands is one of two I found dead. This was really strange...her and I found it together and when she left I found another one near my house, almost identical and I burried it. I had never seen that type of bird before those two instances and have never seen any other one like it since. Events like these are the reason why I find everything to be symbolic. Everything matters